I'm really hoping you can help me with the punctuation on the second sentence since I am struggling with it. Commas, dashes, individual sentences....it is a dilemma for my grammatically challenged mind. And I know this is a first draft of my first chapter - so there is a bunch to fix, but tell me if this beginning works to pull you in.
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8 comments:
Totally pulled me in. When do we get to see more??? Beth Revis can answer all your punctuation questions. She is the grammar goddess.
Oh my goodness! I love it and want more!
Pulled me in! I have issues with punctuation, too. I am constantly checking The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference book for answers. Your opening is great!
That is a fabulously freaky first few lines - what a great hook! As for the punctuation, there are a couple ways I'd do it. I'd either use ellipses:
"five stories...ten...fifteen."
or use periods as "stops":
"five stories. Ten. Fifteen."
I have no idea if either would be "correct", but I think they both get the point across, with the ellipses being a little gentler.
I agree this is a great opening--leaves a lot of wondering explanations.
Perhaps add more details like how the glass slices through her skin, and how they feel free falling as the ground approaches.
I agree, Beth Revis is great! Janette Johnson has some helpful sites to, especially for dialogue.
I like the full stop option. Very nice piece of writing. :D
I agree with Jamie about the punctuation, and prefer the full stop of the period.
Also, the 'line' confused me. I'm assuming it was an electric line? Or was it a clothes line? I think I'd like a little more info on that.
Very exciting bit though! :)
I agree with Jamie. My first thought was five...ten...fifteen. I like the sentences, though!
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